The Lesson of the Leaves

As a woman who is living in the Autumn of her life, I can’t help but appreciate how subliminally and elegantly the Earth teaches me how to open, release, and forgive.

Imagine the leaves on the deciduous trees as our anger, resentments, bitterness, and self-recriminating thoughts. We become so attached to these that even when it’s time to let them go, we don’t.

I imagine those leaves swirling through the air, dancing with each other, feeling the freedom of forgiveness.

But what we humans do is hold on to a stance, a position, a hurt, a transgression thinking this is somehow noble, valiant, and keeps us on the moral high ground. In fact, what we are doing is preventing that leaf from doing its sky-dance, forcing it to it wither on the tree.

Releasing our firm grip on past transgressions against us and/or releasing our firm grip on the shame of our past transgressions against ourselves is the most noble, virtuous, and brave thing we can do in this life. But it’s not a one-time event, Just like the leaves on the tree. There are so many of them that need to release and swirl in freedom in the air.

Why is there only one word for this heart process? For that’s what forgiveness is, a process of the heart that we engage in every day. After years of holding our fist tight, we must remind ourselves every fucking day to open that fist up and release.

This is not easy. Simple? Yes. But not easy.

We slip into our old pattern so easily; it may take weeks to realize we’re resentful and angry at someone (or ourselves) again.

Our ego easily adopts the moral superiority of our position and justifies why we should stay in anger, resentment, and bitterness.

It isn’t until we feel the strain of our heavy feelings that we remember to open our fist and release.

This Autumn, practice releasing these old patterned heavy thoughts and feelings and let them swirl in their freedom dance.

If you want to talk to me more about forgiveness, contact me here.

Balance or Equilibrium?

The equal distribution of day and night at the Autumnal Equinox invites me to consider the concept of balance.

I have a visceral constriction with this word balance. Perhaps that’s because my body is so imbalanced: my right eye is half blind while my left eye has 20/15 vision; my right breast is half the size of my left, the result of a lumpectomy ten years ago; and my left leg has been gone for 45 years.

But more than just an imbalanced body, when I consider balance, I envision the cairns or balanced rock sculptures. If a herd of elk were to stomp nearby, the delicate balance would be destroyed, and the rocks would topple. So, there is an element of static-ness to balance that feels constricting.

I prefer to consider the word equilibrium, a concept that has been integrated into our bodies since we were born. Our inner ears are constantly using equilibrium to maintain our orientation to the earth and to gravity. And, I believe, our hearts are constantly using equilibrium to maintain our orientation to our Soul’s desires.

When I work with clients who ask for help getting more balance into their lives, I often ask, “What would that look like?” They are often confused and clueless. So, I move to, “What would that feel like?” It’s then that they talk about the notion of relaxation, rest, attuning to desire, and joy.

As the days and nights suspend in equality for a few nights, rest into this notion of how you can create more equilibrium in your life, that dynamic, engaging, often restful state of being that allows you to connect with your Soul’s desire.

Summer's Energy

Sometimes, like this morning, I couldn’t sleep past 5:00 a.m. I was buzzing. Energy flowing through me, passion swirling, ideas bouncing around my head like a jumping bean. I’m lit up, exited to start the day. I know I need my sleep, but sleep doesn’t come.

This is Summer Energy, that directed, passionate, dedicated energy, like an arrow flying toward its target. I know it’s time to get out of bed and do what’s mine to do.

In the Celtic calendar of the year, Summer is associated with the element of Fire, not a raging wildfire burning out of control and harming those in its path. No, this fire is contained, directed from within, guiding us toward, into, and through our power.

We’re all born with an intrinsic power that is ours alone to share. Different than the Power Over that pervades our culture, our intrinsic power holds the polarities of life: gentle yet mighty, subtle yet brazen, focused yet far-reaching, quiet yet unmistakable. The energy of Summer helps us walk around our unworthiness, doubts, and fears in order to embrace this power within.

This is no small task, is it? Unworthiness, doubt and fear are the troubling trifecta that causes us to feel stuck, immobilized, and live an unfulfilled life. Yet the passionate, directed energy of Summer has another element in it that guides us toward our power—like the imaginal cells in the chrysalis of a worm turning into a butterfly. Imaginal cells instinctively know what to in order to transform into that butterfly. Without question. Without fear. Without doubt.

I believe we have this same yearning and primal need to become who we alone came here to be. We all have that fiery, passionate need to connect with our inner power and light up our world – not as a wildfire (read fame, fortune, 10,000 IG followers), but a contained beautiful, nourishing bonfire that can be a healing balm for those who are near our flame.

So, what does it feel like for you to connect with your intrinsic power? If it doesn’t call to you at 5:00 am like it does me, when do you hear it? What does your power sound like? If it’s just a whisper right now, I invite you to sit in silence so you can hear what it has to say.

A Different Solstice Message

Tomorrow is the Summer Solstice. You’ll likely see lots of social media posts about shining your light, living your purpose, feeling empowered, or living into your fullness - wonderful Summer energies.

While these energies are all well and good, that’s not where I’m at. I recently returned from a trip to a country suffering from religious and political conflict, which left me feeling hopelessness for the world. I’m sitting with this feeling, examining it, and, at a very personal level, being challenged by it. How do I shine my tiny light and make any kind of difference when the world seems to be on a different trajectory?

Last night I spoke the answer to my young-adult daughter. She was feeling a similar sense of hopelessness for the world after being at a music festival last weekend where two people were killed and two were seriously injured by a random shooter. Of all the shootings she’s heard about in her short life, this one hit seriously and uncomfortably close to home.

“Find what you believe in,” I told her, “Remember what is true for you.”

“Your light may be a small one in this world but shining it outward is your responsibility to the world.”

I listened to my own words and felt a subtle shift in my solar plexus, my place of personal power.

You see, Summer Solstice is a physical turning point in the year when we stand at the apex of daylight. We begin our six-month turn into the darkness of the Winter Solstice. We can put blinders on and not look at the opposite inherent in this moment, but to do so is only looking at half the picture. We stand at a place of opposites and the Solstice also holds the darkness.

Summer Solstice is also an archetype full of metaphors. The sun, in all its blazing glory, reminds us to shine brightly and live our purpose.

As with all archetypes, they are always with us. We celebrate the seasonal holidays: the Solstices, Equinoxes, and the Cross-Quarterly holidays of the Celtic calendar, not only to engage in the immediate energy of each season, but to embody that energy so we can engage in that archetype at any time of year, perhaps accessing the energy of Summer Solstice and feeling empowered in our purpose in the depths of winter.

So, if you’re not feeling like you’re on solid ground with how to live your purpose, if your inner light is feeling a little dim right now, that’s okay.

Engage with the energy of the Summer Solstice anyway. Throw your head up to the sky and see what a difference one tiny star in the universe makes to our planet.